you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
