im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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