He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
