Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize