I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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