It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
