Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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