Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
