he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We had to coat check the pizza.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
