I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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