I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
