I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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