when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
