You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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