My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
