so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
