I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
