My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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