It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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