i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Randomize
