You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
