My brain says no but my pants say off.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
