Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
