Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
