we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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