Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
