You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
