Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
