I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
