My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dick very happy bro
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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