HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
