Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
