Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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