I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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