sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
