I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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