If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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