There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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