So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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