make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
