I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
