Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
