You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
