you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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