I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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