There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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