In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
