Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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