Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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