My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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