new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
