i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
