Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize