there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
