He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
