Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
