I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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