I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
