Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
