I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
