Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
