I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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