Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
